Learning to Surrender it All When We Really (Really) Don't Want To

Have you ever heard the saying, "Let go and let God?"

Me, too. Turns out, though, I'm not so great at following that advice.

This isn't something I would have announced out loud that long ago. In fact, I'm not even sure it was something I saw in myself until very recently. I like to think I'm flexible and easy going.

But I'm learning I may be a little bit more of a control freak than I thought.

I have a vision in my head of how I want things to go, and when they don't turn out as expected, I become confused. Frustrated. Unsure of what to do next.

And as we've discussed, I'm not so great at feeling unsure. (I don't like surprises, remember?)

But there's something I've been working on lately. And let me tell you, it's hard. I've been working on letting things go.

Little by little. One small thing after another.

I've been working on turning it over to God and praying that I have the faith to know He'll take care of me and whatever situation I'm going through that's making me uneasy.

The Downside of Being a Pusher

All I can think of is the scene from Mean Girls where Tina Fey's character is talking to Lindsay Lohan's and she says: 

"I'm divorced. I'm broke from getting divorced. The only guy that calls my house is Randy from Chase Visa. And you know why? Because I'm a pusher. I push people." 

Oh how I can agree with these words. I, too, am a pusher. I like things a certain way, in a certain box. So I push. Most specifically, I like to push an agenda.

I like to steer my own boat. I see where I want to go and then I attack that journey with all that I have. I push forward, always trying to reach a goal and always feeling confident that I know exactly what's right for me. Do you feel this way, too? 

Here's a scary thought I've been juggling with lately: What if we started not pushing? (The horror, I know!)

Hear my out, though. What if we just... let it go? What if we just said, oh well. Here we are. Things are the way they are, then trusted that God would take it from here?

For this self-proclaimed pusher, this is definitely a scary thought. Stepping back and letting the chips fall where they may is not how I like to roll. It makes giving anything up to anyone (let alone the God of all creation) hard to do.

However, I'm also learning that... 

Letting Go is Sometimes all God asks of Us 

In the past few months, though the ups and downs, I've had a lot of whispers that are telling me to just give up. For those that know me, "just giving up" isn't exactly my favorite option. (See the reference above about being a pusher...) 

But what I'm realizing is that this feeling of needing to give something up is God's way of whispering to me: Let me handle this. 

Do you ever wonder how things would be different if we had just given them up to God in the first place instead of wasting time and emotional energy trying to figure them out ourselves? I wonder the same thing.

As the captains of our own boats, sometimes all God is asking us to do is to step aside and let Him steer for a bit. Let Him take hold and change course to the best journey only He can see.

I can sometimes be a slow learner in this department, so I also believe that God brings us through rougher periods of life as a gentle reminder to lean on Him and let Him take control.

I don't always enjoy these rough periods (does anyone, really?) but I've also seen how beautiful the end can turn out. I've seen how much learning and changing can happen as we let go and let God create a new path. 

Embracing Freedom

Ultimately what I'm learning most from practicing surrendering it all to God is that there is pure freedom in letting it all go. 

We don't have to try to fix things. We don't have to have it all figured out or have all the answers. 

All we have to do is trust that things will be taken care of the way they are supposed to be. It may not be the way we thought it would turn out, but this is where faith and trust come in - Having full confidence that God has our best interest in mind and has the exact right plan for us. 

There's freedom in letting it all go to the One who's in control and has all the answers. And it's a daily reminder for me that I'm not that person.  (Even though I often still try to be. It's a work in progress thing for sure.)

As I said, this is one of the hardest things I've ever tried to do. I'm not great at it. I still like to try to take situations into my own hands and navigate my own boat.

But I'm learning. I'm learning the freedom that comes with surrendering. I'm learning that even slow (very, very slow) progress is still progress.

Remember that we are loved, and remember that God truly does have our lives in His hands. He sees things we can't, and sometimes, all He's asking us to do is just let it go.